It's not really "About Us" on this page. It's about me because I'm the only one here, but special thanks go to Crowe Creations for letting me hang out as an appendage to their website. (Sherrill Wark of Crowe Creations and I connected when she married Mr. Crowe back in the early 80s.)
What right do I have making a website for suicidal people when I'm not a doctor? I'm not a psychologist, either. Not a teacher, preacher, or counselor of any kind. Hell, I don't even have a degree in anything.
What I do have, though, is first-hand knowledge of what it's like in The Pit. That's what I call it, The Pit. I've heard it called The Darkness, and also, Being Chased by the Black Dogs ... There are as many names for that place as there are people who suffer from this crappy chemical imbalance thing.
I have attempted suicide and actually succeeded the last time (2003) but through the marvels of modern medicine, they brought me back. Today, despite having some heart damage as a result, I'm in pretty good shape. I didn't fry any brain cells this last time, like I did back in the '78 attempt. I used to have an IQ of 150 ... and now I'm lucky if I can remember my own phone number, let alone somebody else's. Before the '78 attempt, no matter who I met, I would remember their name and their birthday, and usually their phone number, too.
I damaged the left side of my brain which is the details side. The right side is the concept side: art, ideas, music, etc. I'm lucky that I started out with such a high number, because my IQ is still fairly high. To compensate, I am constantly trying to create new channels in there to perhaps build it up again -- and also because it helps to stave off dementia. (I eat healthy, too, to stave off cholesterol build-up. See? I do like myself. I want to stick around and enjoy life.) You might already have guessed that I resent the hell out of having to always look shit up now.
Lucky me! My depression is seasonal. This means that I only have this chemical imbalance thing for a couple of months a year. Well ... No. I have it for half the year. I am able to deal with it for all but a couple of months. November is my really bad time. The days start getting shorter around June 21 and around December 21 -- hooray, hooray! They get longer.
When I am -- I hate to use the word "normal" but it is what it is -- I absolutely adore life and living it and I'm happy as hell and funny as hell and I love myself and everybody loves me and I have oodles of energy and everything excites me, and, and, and ...
When November is over, I thank my lucky stars (see the nice background full of stars?) that I made it through another November. Woohoo! Believe me, trust me, accept, that I am so very pleased to still be here on the Earth Plane. Planet Earth is a good place to be and I have SO MUCH stuff to do yet! But this site is about the oogy times and how to FIGHT to survive them.
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